i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
