i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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