If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
