Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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