she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize