walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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