We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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