hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
