you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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