i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
