the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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