So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
