Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize