Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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