Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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