Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
