Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
