If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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