Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
