Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
