If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
