toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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