i just had sex bonerless
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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