Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
