Can i not drive my cunt home
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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