Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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