Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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