You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You smell like stripper and shame
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize