It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
