i just google imaged poop.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
