Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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