I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
