please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
