Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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