So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
