I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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