Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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