My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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