just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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