is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
