her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
