Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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