i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize