she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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