There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
