I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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