i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
