i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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