I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
