sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
