i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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