he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
