the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize