Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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