you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
