highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
