you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
