Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
