I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
