i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
