Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
