How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize