We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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