Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
