Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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