maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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