Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
