you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
