what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
