Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
