I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
